Tusam D. Clide

But you know, even with my ego sacrificed. She attracts me.

and this current is dan di


This current
I’ve been dispatched from Baengryeong Island 
to Daecheong Island-
a small island to a smaller one 
for a month. 
to be honest, it’s nice. 
I needed some time away from
the base-
lots of stuff happened
some expected
some anticipated
some unexpected
some critical 

many things I wish to talk about
but I gotta wait

for now
a month and a half till vacation 
lonely but so much more autonomy here
in Daecheong base. 

this current is all right
this current is dandier 

Ubiquity

Clemency be allocated fair
Chagrin be effete
The holler of the affable one’s plunge
to me, almost nonchalant
indifferent from everything pretense
attesting all the implacable

As I abandon immaculate me
clemency be implacable
omniscience be once again vindicated

Hope be found
found copious
and my conscripted soul
now be found

found verdant. 
 

Colossians 2:7

"rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness”


lately I’ve been seeing 
poetry
within the divine words. 


-



tella
still meager
you compose me. 

and regretfully insolent. 


Re Cent

1. I read The Human Stain by Phillip Roth 
2. I am reading The Old Man and the Sea by Hemingway
3. I am studying for TEPS (Seoul National University’s English test)
4. I am intensively studying Art & Fear again
5. I sing all time, silent or not. 

yeah. i am finding my space within this military life affair. 

Far Brewery

And as February unfolds, it has been a year
since the 14-hour-negotiation with full bladder on the airplane chair
still got firm stains from Illinois’ care
For how undulating it’s been, I give it a high cheer
Each change accepted, felt like a dare
In Chicago best friend in love with a girl named Mere
Here I’m tossing words to sound of slicing air
missing Bukowski, disappointing Shakespeare 
my heart now clearly medium rare
too egotistic to ask for a spare
So until another February 1st 
here’s my most solidified stare.

had to write this
at 2 a.m., on a toilet chair. 

기도

당신의 마음에 감사함이 있는지 
당신의 마음에 반성이 있는지 
당신의 마음에 기다림이 있는지
믿음이 있는지 
조금 멀어졌다면
당신의 마음에
그리움이 있는지

그리고 무엇보다 사랑이 있는지 

그렇다면, 있다면 

그것이면 충분합니다. 

흔들리는 자들을 사랑하고
사랑하는 자들을 흔들지 않는
당신과 내가 되기를 기도합니다. 

그분이 우리와 함께함에
우리가 그분과 함께함에

예수님의 따뜻한 이름으로
이 겨울에 기도합니다. 

This Amber


But in mornings I count november
while nights living in January
perhaps leaves yet done manicuring
soon, evergreen not so lonely

in the midst of December

I’m anywhere but here

Basic Training, Commencement, On Leave

Tusam, the first On Leave

A Marine

I’ve survived 7 weeks of basic training, though the word ‘basic’ does not sit well with how stressful or how meaningful the past 45 days of prude process of changing. It was indeed hectic time. I’ve experienced emotion, stress, physical challenges and most of all, longing that were so indifferent from what I had encountered in life, if not surpassing. I do not mean to complain or whine about the scurrility of training days, most of marines go through this program to be allowed to be called a marine. 

This whole mandatory duty matter still does not dissolve within my general view-, but I am certainly far more than making peace with it - in fact, I am quite heated up by how much I can surprise my former self. This is an exciting process. 

I have been selected as a military police, my station will be in Back Ryung Island. This damn island locates nearer to North Korea than South Korea. I have been given vacation days before getting shipped to the place where I will be separated from the main land, main portion of population for 6 months. 

Many thoughts and of course countless realizations and new self-promises. But for now, I am still digesting how these seven weeks have passed by, how each day felt so bare and vivid, how time felt crawling yet constantly and absolutely moving. 

One thing is for sure, above all, this whole Marine experience, so far at least - though only the part one has been played out- this is a chapter. this is not an intermission. this is not an obstacle. this is not a bridge. I am at a verse, yes a solid verse where lyrics shall deliver different messages but add to and pave once again what had been done. 

and that is, becoming who i shall be - 
betraying who i assumed myself to be
finding whom I have become. 



An Intermission CompletedThe past months have been somewhat of a gapbetween college life in Urbana-Champaign and Korean Marines, that is to start tomorrowIt was really an intermission between two actsget up, bathroom, water, walk around, check messages Just like any chapter in my life, I spent this gap dithering, wondering, making silly choices and reminiscing (heavily)I read a lot, that I am very gladWell, this intermission is worn out nowI must sit again and watch the next acthoping that, this one will bemore dramatic but considerably felt shorterthan the previous one. Tusam D. Clide, paused for awhile. 


Tusam, A night before joining Korean Marines

Bookshelf, 2013

Broken Sofa


Bathing on the morning sun, leaving marks on the broken sofa
too early for a talk. drift the eyes to amend me sober
Fasciated you and I, dwelling on a doubt tinted carefree
debating whose turn to phone a friend who’s gonna make us lonely

and soon I won’t be placed by you
to them a riddle or a con
fulfilling a promised game

And I would write our love in tune
i am just a stand-by fool 
canceling all my ways
And in these colorful days,
one can’t be understood
by ways that we all know too well
share me all your weight

Drink up, baby, wanna fall. Let it be a simple act of conso-
lation, what the others saw, a complication of our twisted shape 

of hearts, trembling up and down
to them a riddle or a con
fulfilling an awkward guess

And I would write our love in tune
i am just a stand-by fool 
canceling all my ways
And in these colorful days, 
one can’t be understood
by ways that we all know too well
share me all your weight

share me all your weight.